Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children by Allison Bottke


I buy a lot of books. I read a lot of books. I review a lot of books.

No book has changed me like Allison Bottke's soon to be released book, "Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children".

Except the Bible.

Allison wrote this book out of a painful experience involving her own son; she recounts that pivotal experience in the opening pages. With a prologue from Carol Kent, who's own son's actions changed HER life forever, this book rings with authenticity and a heart for hurting parents that is just HUGE.

In this non-fiction, semi-autobiographic book, Allison first explains "The Parent as Enabler". This was a difficult section to read, because from the very beginning I saw myself in these pages. But it was also a divine appointment (and you thought this was just a book review:-), because I also found freedom in these pages.

Allison quotes from other authors and from surveys and interviews she has done with experts in their fields of Christian counseling and psychology, as well as from parents who've "been there, done that, bought the t-shirt, run the ride".

Well researched and expertly written, this section will truly release the parent(s) or grandparents from the cycle of enabling and dysfunctional behavior that is running rampant through our Christian families today.

In part two, Allison gives us her "S.A.N.I.T.Y." savers...and I'm a gal who loves me some alliteration and acronyms! She encourages us to "STOP your own negative behavior...whatever we're doing to enable the adult child to continue in his or her dysfunction. And the list goes on from there...finally spelling out blessed sanity!

The second half continues with "developing an action plan", "considering the consequences" and "other vital issues"...proof that Allison does not take this subject lightly. In fact, her research is so thorough I'm going to be doing a LOT more reading that is recommended by Allison herself.

And you may look forward to those reviews, also.

As a mother of a prodigal (wayward) daughter, this book was more than just something to read. It was, as I stated earlier, a God appointment. I didn't request this book for review...I was asked to review it.

And now I know it was because God knew I needed the message of healing contained in these pages, and because He wants to get the word out to hurting parents of prodigal children..."There is hope, and you are NOT alone!"

I highly recommend Allison's book, "Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children." I plan on touring with her in the early Spring, so be watching for more information on this book. Until then, I'm not even going to attempt to rate it with my bookmark scale, because the message is too powerful, too needed, too important to trivialize it with a rating.

Buy this book for yourself, for a friend or family member, for someone who's hurting over their adult children. Begin a support group and read it together. And allow yourself to regain your S.A.N.I.T.Y. once again. "Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children" releases February 1, 2008 and is published by Harvest House Publishers.

Happy Reading!



Allison Bottke said...


Bless you for this heartfelt review of my newest book. As you mentioned, "Setting Boundaries With Your Adult Children" came out of my own personal experience with my son. But not just one experience, it was a lifetime of experiences that brought me to a place of utter abandon. There was a time when the pain lasted for years - never subsiding. I jumped every time the phone rang at night, certain my son was either in jail or dead. Today, I can share beyond a shadow of a doubt that while my heart still aches because of my son's choices, I am not a heart-broken mess just existing from day to day - in between crisis and chaos. There is hope and healing for struggling parents. Thank you for this review, I will pray for you and your daughter, and for the readers who may read this review. God bless the work of your heart and hands. - Allison Bottke, Author of Setting Boundaries with Your Adult Children.

Carrie said...

I don't have experience in this area at all (being at the start of a very young family). However, we have several friends who, I know, would identify very closely with this message. I'm curious to read it MYSELF for the information in learning how to raise my own son so as to avoid such heartbreak. Would you say that it would be good to read it from my perspective also?

Allison Bottke said...

Oh my, yes! I wish someone would have shared this information with me when my son was younger. I truly had no idea the damage I was doing in trying to "help" him. I didn't understand the difference between "helping" and "enabling." I think if only parents could understand this fundamental truth - that "helping" isn't always helpful, then they will be saved a great deal of heartache. - Allsion Bottke

Deena Peterson said...

Carrie, most definitely! Whether you're at this stage of parenting or not, there is valuable information that can help PREVENT the enabling that Allison talks about, and will equip you to counsel someone who is caught in the trap of enabling.

I most highly recommend this book to parents of young children, and even those who are thinking about having children one day. The best way to break the cycle is before it begins.