Tuesday, April 9, 2013

I Get Matthew Warren....


I've been wrestling with this for days, and I just need to get it out there.  This has nothing to do with books, but everything to do with wellness.

I get Matthew Warren, Pastor Rick's son.

I've battled depression and panic disorder most of my life.  The depression came on in high school, and I was diagnosed with GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) 15 years ago.

My question is why?  Why do we hide this from one another?  I know I'm not the only one.  But I rarely, if ever, ask people to pray.  I've never raised my hand in church and said, "I'm having a huge panic attack, could you please pray for me?"

Think about this, church.  If my pancreas stopped producing insulin, wouldn't you expect me to seek medical help?  And if issues came up because of the lack of insulin, wouldn't you want to pray for me?

What if my kidneys began to function poorly?  Or my heart began acting oddly?

So, when my brain refuses to produce enough serotonin, and my adrenal glands go into hyperdrive, why is it a lack of time in the Bible or a lack of faith or a lack of prayer or hidden sin????

Why did I have to go nearly a month without eating, spending days in bed, crying for no reason, before I felt I could seek help?  Even my doctor, when she found out I was a Christian, said, "Why do you not believe the words on the pages of your book?"

REALLY?????

So, I'm on medication.  Have been for a while.  Some days are good, some aren't so good.  Every day is a choice, an effort, a push.  Just attending a church service can leave me so drained and sweaty that you'd think I'd run a race.

But I'm not keeping silent any longer.  If people judge because I need help with depression and panic disorder, I ask them to take it up with God.  I'd prefer they love me and pray for me and hold my hand when the urge to flee hits me.

And yes, pray for healing.  But don't judge if it doesn't occur.  Remember the Apostle Paul?  He had buckets of faith, and God chose to leave his thorn in the flesh.  Nope, I'm not Paul.  But if God decides to leave me as I am, He has His reasons and I will walk in that.

We have got to see each other through God's eyes.  We have to stop being afraid of what we don't understand.  We have to be more open about our struggles, and more willing to pray and love than judge and shun.

I don't know if that would have helped Matthew Warren.  I don't even know for sure it would help me.  But I know it wouldn't hurt.


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3 comments:

Julie said...

Deena, what a great post. I totally sympathize with you as a Christian who struggles with depression. Have you read anything by Sheila Walsh? She's a Christian speaker who talks a lot about being a Christians who takes medication for depression and how she made that decision.

Julie said...

Deena, I can totally relate to your post and to being a Christian who is vocal about depression and my own experiences. I applaud you for speaking out. You may look into the speaker/author Sheila Walsh, who has some great things to say about being a Christian and dealing with these issues.

lovedandamazed said...

Just catching up on your blog, and I wanted to give you some big ::hugs::, Deena. Although I do not share the same struggles, I see how debilitating and real they are. It's okay to seek medical help, and it's very okay to talk about it. May God bless you!