On Tour With Victorya Rogers & "The Automatic 2nd Date!"

Hi A Peek At My Bookshelf fans! DEENA was so gracious to interview me about my favorite subject—dating! Here are some of my answers to her questions about my latest book The Automatic 2nd Date. Hopefully it will ease any of your dating anxiety and actually help you look forward to your next first date!


DEENA: Your new book offers a unique dating approach. Why focus so much on getting a 2nd date?

VICTORYA: If you can’t get past the first date, you won’t be booking a honeymoon anytime soon. The sad thing is ladies who would really be great catches are just blowing it and scaring their dates away by making silly, careless mistakes on their first dates—like talking too much, obsessing on exes, talking about marriage, calling the guy before or after the first date. If they just tweak a few of their dating behaviors, they can transform their dating life without changing who they are! If these secrets become a habit, you can stop stressing about first dates and focus on your man and deciding if HE is the great catch and worth your time. When you do that, 2nd dates become automatic.



DEENA: You say every woman has an internal “Male GPS.” What is it and how do we use it?

VICTORYA: Available men are everywhere -- at the drive-thru, at work, at school, at church, at restaurants, at the mall, the gas station, sporting events, etc. You just have to know what you’re looking for and believe he exists. The Male GPS –male global positioning satellite—is in your mind. Your mind is an extremely power instrument that is always working and wants to be right! The problem is we are inundated with so much constant information, we need focus to notice things. When you focus on something enough, amazingly it seems to begin appearing everywhere you go. Let’s talk cars as an example. If you want that new blue Honda SUV, of course you believe it exists and it’s on your mind so it suddenly stands out every time one drives by. Just like thinking of your next car, think about what kind of guy you want.

The key to finding your next 1st date begins with your mind. You can instantly turn on your internal MALE GPS by figuring out specifically what you’re looking for in a guy, visualizing a man with those traits and believing he exists.


DEENA: You say the three-second flirt is a great way to get noticed. How does it work?

VICTORYA: FLIRT with him! Find someone who catches your eye? I have a lot of dating tips in The Automatic 2nd Date. One of them is to make sure you catch his eye. Eye contact is huge! Next time you’re in a “target rich environment of potential dates, slowly scan the room with calm, soft eyes, resting your eyes briefly on any man who captures your attention, then casually glance for a bare ring finger. If the finger is bare, lock into a gaze for your three-second flirt... Add a slight smile or grin, and then casually look away. You can repeat it several times to get your point across if you’d like. Just any longer than 5 second glance at a time borders creepy.

DEENA: In Automatic 2nd Date you recommend asking lots of questions. You even give us 100 potential questions. How do we avoid turning it into an interview or worse, an interrogation?

VICTORYA: To keep questions from sounding like an interrogation listen to your date’s answers to your questions and go from there. You’re guiding the conversation, not dictating it. If you genuinely stay tuned in and listen to him, then the questions that come to your mind will help the conversation flow naturally and you will draw him to you. One of the easiest ways to get a 2nd date is to be genuinely interested in what your date has to say! Everyone wants to be heard. When you listen he will feel understood and he will want to see you again. So offer your undivided attention, look him in the eye, ask relevant questions, and be sure to laugh at his jokes!


DEENA: Are there any definite “First Date Don’ts” to ensure a 2nd date?

VICTORYA: Oh my, there are definitely some First Date Don’ts! 1st dates are about holding back. Use RESTAINT and self control across the board if you want your first date to become a 2nd date. That goes for whatever you say and whatever you do. Here are my top 7 Don’ts for First Dates.
--Don’t dress sleazy
--Don’t talk too much
--Don’t go off on past relationships
--Don’t reveal hatred for the male species
--Don’t expose enormous debt
--Don’t tell him he’s THE ONE
And definitely
--Don’t put out on that first date!


DEENA: Valentine’s is about here. How does a confident single gal survive a dateless Valentine Day?

VICTORYA: There are great ways to spend a dateless Valentines that can actually put you on the path to ultimately find your man worth keeping! Here are 4 quick tips:

1. On Valentine’s Day you have permission to do something to spoil yourself a little. Don’t go crazy. Just give yourself one treat. Carve out time during your day, even if it has to be on your lunch hour, to pamper yourself. Get a French manicure or new hairstyle, color or cut; indulge in a massage or facial, or buy yourself SOMETHING just for you--just don’t mess up your entire budget. You want to pamper yourself, not punish yourself.

2. This is NOT the night to go out to eat—too many couples gazing dreamily across the table at each other. Instead, order your favorite take out or skip dinner and have a huge portion of your favorite dessert. While you’re enjoying your meal, pull out your journal a design your ideal man. Dream big. Write every character trait and every quality you hope he will possess. What better evening to do so than when Cupid is flying around?

3. Another idea for the evening is to plan a girls night. Invite over your single gals for dinner and your favorite chick flicks or better yet, reminisce on what did and didn’t work in your previous love life. Share funny dating stories, dating horror stories and warm fuzzy dating stories. In the very least you’ll have a good laugh with your girlfriends. End the evening by having each girlfriend write out exactly what you definitely want in your ideal mate, that way you’ll recognize him when he shows up!

4. My last solo Valentine idea is to grab a friend or boldly go solo to the movie theatre. After all Valentine’s is the perfect night for escapism.

DEENA: Victorya, do you have a website or blog with any of these tips for our audience to check out?

VICTORYA: Yes, my website has a lot of additional tips and advice for single women! Check it out-- it’s www.mantokeep.com. You can also order my books and learn about my coaching program. I hope I have helped you begin to see that dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact, believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating skills and take risks. There is so much information I’d love to impart to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my site anytime and/or check out my books Finding a Man Worth Keeping and The Automatic 2nd Date.

Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author The Automatic 2nd Date

Thanks to Victorya and her wonderful advice and interview!

Happy Reading!

Deena